The Chainlink Conundrum

Alright, so here we go on the Year of Living Beeblebrox.

Of course, there'll be a kind of natural timing some elements of this. I've discovered for instance that the maximum weight at which one is allowed to get on a Segway (Item 3 on the list) is 17 stone. The maximum weight at which one is allowed to zipline (Item 25) (at least anywhere near me), is 16 stone. Ditto for horse riding (Item 4). All of which is determined by the outcome of Item 11 - lose at least 3 stone. It's determined by that because as I begin this year, I weigh 17 stone 10.25 (up two pounds from last week, though this is understandable in a week which has included two curry nights and a pizza night).

So losing 14 pounds (one stone) unlocks not just a third of Item 11, but also enables Item 3 to become a realistic possibility.

I'd be surprised if I made any headway toward Item 11 today - too much bread, all told, and no exercise.
Tomorrow though, am going to the gym first thing, and will probably use my exercise bike at some point in the day as well - Item 11 needs cracking.

Items 1 and 2 though began in earnest today - Giving up personal social media, and chain coffee stores, respectively.

I will say, while I don't miss social media yet as such, it's become such a learned instinct to check Facebook, and to share my experiences on it, that I've had to fight the itch a couple of times today.

The coffee thing was harder, especially as I was down in Cardiff tonight (home of my favourite Starbucks - no really, they've pretty much christened one corner of it my "office)).
d, my ever-loving and not-really-caring-about-the-Starbucks-thing wife, acted as Tempter on this last night, saying that really, as today was the beginning, the no-chain-coffee thing shouldn't really kick in until tomorrow, Wednesday. I texted my friend Sian - who's largely responsible for this whole thing - and she granted me an exemption on this article, agreeing that the no-chain-coffee item should begin on Wednesday...rather than today, when everything else began.

So I went to Cardiff with the intention of a final de-caff lattefest.
But then I thought no. I thought maybe I should use this as an opportunity to find a local coffee shop within walking distance of Cardiff Central Station, for the occasional Mondays and Wednesdays when I have to go to London and back in a day for my job.

Found one - we walk past it every time we go to Cardiff, so this time I went in and ordered my de-caff latte from them instead. It was as I was taking my third sip that something occurred to me.

"Erm...this is just a single outlet, isn't it?" I asked. "I mean, you're not a chain...right?"
"We have five outlets, all in Cardiff," the pretty young barista advised me. "The nearest one to here is..."
"Five?" I asked, interrupting her flow.
"Yeah," she said, a little irritated by my interruption.
"Bugger," I said, immediately texting Sian.
"How many links make a chain?" I asked her.
"Depends what the chain's used for. As many as it takes for the chain to do its job I guess..." was her faintly philosophical response.
Makes sense - you want to keep a cruise ship at anchor, you're going to need more than five links. You want to keep a person captive, five links is probably sufficient. Since I guess the effect of the chains I'm trying to avoid is the homogenization of the coffee experience, nation or worldwide, I'm guessing that having five links all in the same town doesn't qualify it as a chain. So, whether you agree or not, I'm judging that as yet, I haven't broken or diluted the principle of Item 2.

Going forward, I should probably confess something - some of the items on the list are there because I genuinely want to do them and happen to know there are opportunities to do them coming up. Item 8, for instance - speak in public - I should be able to take care of this weekend, when I give a speech to anyone who cares to listen, here in Merthyr, about unlocking the magic of words. Haven't written the speech yet, so that would be a major step forward towards achieving this goal. But it strikes me that if I'd only thought ahead, I could have given myself an additional head start. If, for instance, I'd put "Get a hug from a personal hero" on the list, I could calmly have crossed it off tonight. I was down in Cardiff to see a comedy group of whom I've been a fan since I was about...13...but had never yet seen live.They're called Fascinating Aida, and if I was at all sure that YouTube didn't count as social media, I'd link you to some content of theirs, because they're brilliant. Anyhow, they raised the roof on the place, and were out in the foyer signing after the show. I didn't get the album I bought signed because...well, largely because I tend not to do that, and don't see the added value. But I did get to speak briefly to Dillie Keane (founder of the group), and tell her they'd made the day something special.
"Oh, is it your birthday?" she asked, with remarkable enthusiasm having just come off stage. I said it was, and she leaned across the table to give me a birthday hug. I went toddling off to the train station with an unwipeable grin. Truly, if you get a chance to see Fascinating Aida, take it. They're on tour right now, running around the UK till Easter.

It occurs to me that I have a particular weakness for comedy songwriters. I've had conversations in person and by email with Mitch Benn, corresponded comically with Roy Zimmerman, and now got a birthday hug from Dillie Keane. Going away now to make moderately stalkerish plans to have a conversation with Victoria Wood and interview Tom Lehrer. Hmm - one for the list, maybe?